Emma Sartwell
Rock the Vote (OH THAT'S CRAZY)

I had this bad bitch uptown; she was whoa! (OH THAT'S CRAZY)
Got up out the back door like whoa! (OH THAT'S CRAZY)
Hop in the Excursion with sixteen wheels (OH THAT'S CRAZY)
Boobie cat, lapdance with kid (OH THAT'S CRAZY)
Now the driver smoking chron (OH THAT'S CRAZY)
If he crash, then we all gone (OH THAT'S CRAZY)

The author of these words, hoppin' in his 16-wheeled Excursion as we speak, is telling you to vote.
The author of these words, so artfully rhyming chron with gone, is representing eighteen- to twenty-five-year-olds and their political interests.
The author of these words, havin' a little som'n som'n uptown, believes that the way to make our generation politically active is to make it "sexy".
The author of these words told me that it wasn't uncool to vote, but sexiness was the only pertinent issue discussed.
I was like, "whoa".
I was like, "Oh, that's crazy."
I was like, "Isn't it a tad condescending that our demographic has been rallied to vote in terms of sexiness and celebrity, rather than political issues?"
I decided that our culture has no respect for me, and that if someone who knows more about boobie cats (forgive me if this is a proper noun) than legislature was lecturing me and my peers about my political voice, we probably didn't have much voice at all.
In 2000, reports Salon, a dismal eighteen percent of "young people" voted.
In 2004, a patronized eighteen percent of "young people" voted.
But P. Diddy had worked so hard to find "sexy people" to support the youth vote! But thousands of "street team" volunteers had text messaged young people about voting! Do you hear that? The young people had been text messaged! Oh, that's crazy!
Play Station even teamed up with hip-hop artists for a pro-voting game tournament!
World Wrestling Entertainment held "Smackdown Your Vote!"
What?
Are we really expected to go vote now? Because it's been advertised like Gran Turismo or like a Big Mac?
Why aren't we demanding the instruction booklets and the nutritional facts?
I want to hear about social security; I want to hear about a woman's right to choose; I want to hear about Alaska and taxes and gay marriage and the Middle East and government support of Christian organizations.
I know those who aren't 18 to 25 didn't have a grand spectrum of choice about these matters either, considering the stances of the two plausible candidates, but, if we are to discuss politics, at least give us the dignity to discuss actual political issues. Why does Hollywood so want young people to voice their opinions, knowing that the only issue most 'young people' have been informed about is 'cool'ness? Whoa.
"We squandered record amounts of money," said Dan Adler, board member of Rock the Vote, the outreach effort that uses music stars to rally the youth vote.
Sounds like he got Punk'd, as Ashton Kutcher, advocate of Rock the Vote, would so eloquently remark. Sounds like he was like, "whoa."
Sounds like after the 2004 election, we were all like, "whoa."
Oh, that's crazy.